Sometimes to me, life is like surfing. You float around in the great big ocean, clinging to whatever you use to keep you afloat. You dangle your arms and legs over the side and have a paddle for a while. But the ultimate purpose is to catch that wave. You wait and wait, scanning the seas for the beginnings of the wave. Then when it finally comes you paddle like mad do a balancing act and have the time of your life for 10 to 20 seconds and then you start the whole process again. It's a cycle...
Well that's my profound theological analogy for this week.
Sarah said to me today that This Christmas and New Years is the last one that we will do alone because of the baby. It got me thinking that there are a lot of things that we will be doing alone for hte last time. Our wedding anniversary, Our birthdays this year, Christmas, New Year. It kinda makes me sad to know that soon we will have to share all of those experiences that are special to us, but at the same time I am really excited to be sharing them with our child.
The fact that I am about to be a father is dawning on me more and more. I don't know how to feel about it all. On one hand I am so excited that I couldn't explain. I felt the baby kick for the first time hte other night. It was such an amazing moment for me. It almost makes me jealous that Sarah gets to feel stuff like that all the time. Notice I said 'almost makes me jealous' there. I don't envy her one bit for all of the stuff she has to put up with. I just dont know how to help her sometimes. I can see that she isn't feelign well or that she is uncomfortable and the Male inside of me jst wants to fix it all and make it better, but I can't. Sometimes I feel so helpless and I hate that. On the other hand I am petrified of a lot of things.... Sarah has to stop working and that's what I want, but it also means I have to go and get work (which isn't a problem). My fear is that I need to find a job that will pay enough to support us. Then there is the fear that I will be a bad father, ok maybe bad is the wrong word. I am sure that every expecting dad goes through this, but it's still a big fear for me. I will be responsible for the raising and maturing of a creation of God. That is such a huge responsibility and I hope that I am up to the challenge.
On a more positive note, Sarah is looking more beautiful all the time. I don't know if I tell her that enough. I know that I am partially biased because she is my wife, But she really does look so beautiful.
Okay, well that's about it from me for today. I will be back soon to give you all the next installment of my life surfing experinces.
Stay Tuned, more to come
Jeffros
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2 comments:
you are so beautiful. that was such a nice blog. i wish you could experience all of the kicks and that stuff too, but none of the bad stuff. but you know, the bad really doesn't outweigh the good. and even some bad is good... like you looking after me the other night - even though i was in pain, it was worth it to see you cherish me :) i feel so special :)
I thought that was just wonderful about you writing that Sarah is beautiful and I know you mean it and that made it even nicer to read!
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